Jet Lag

We are finally home. Our flight back was a significant improvement from our flight going there. Greyson was uncomfortable, but not inconsolable. Ironically, when he finally did fall asleep on the plane, he slept for 5 hours, which is longer than he's slept the whole three weeks we've been away. We had to give him his inhaler a couple of times but all in all, it was a bearable flight. At our follow up appointment with the doctor here, we were told that Greyson can be off all his medications except his inhaler. He still coughs a lot and wakes himself up, but allegedly, all evidence to the contrary, he is getting better.

We are, however, in the throes of jet lag. There is still not much sleep to be had. Greyson is more clingy than I've ever seen him. He whines when left alone and wants to be carried all the time. He wakes up several times a night, disoriented and cranky, and cries for hours. By 3am this morning, Greyson had been screaming his lungs out for almost two hours. I had made various failed attempts to console him and had finally decided to let him cry and fall asleep on his own in his crib. Roque reached over, grabbed my hand in bed, and said, "I think I am going crazy." I said, "Me too."During the day he pulls his ear all the time and fusses more than usual. Meanwhile, Roque and I are running on empty as we have been, the last entire month. It is impossible to get over your own jet lag when you have to help your baby get over his.

I feel like we left the States with one baby and came home with another. So much can happen in three weeks. Greyson is rolling over now, sitting up straight as a tree, extremely opinionated and more communicative than he's ever been. On the flight there, we had to support him when he sat up in the bassinet, but on the way back, he was stable and strong. He has amazing object permanence now, and will cry if a favorite toy is taken away. The most significant change is that this baby hasn't slept more than 5 hours straight at night. I miss my 12-hours-night-sleeper and wonder if I will see him again soon. After all we went through to get him to sleep that well, it's hard to think that we might have to start all over.

I know we did the right thing bringing Greyson home to see my family. Hopefully in time the scars of this trip won't hurt as much and I will get up enough courage to do this again. I know that this physical jet lag will pass, and we will all eventually adjust. I wonder, however, if mommy jet lag is permanent. It's the feeling of being awake when you should be sleeping, and sleeping when you should be awake...the sensation of losing your sense of time and being disoriented and out of sync with the world that passes you by...when will that pass? I love my son with every ounce of my being, and some days I feel like I'm hitting a groove with Mommydom, other days I feel like I'm still in a state of protest. People ask me how I like being a mom, and I say, "I love every other minute of it." That's the best I can do right now.