Sunday

We had another crazy nap afternoon today. After church, we rushed home in effort to put Greyson down for his afternoon nap at home. Greybus however, decided that was a preposterous idea and wouldn't go to sleep for almost three hours. What was most unbearable is unlike the usual squealing and protesty whining, today he just kept calling "mama" over and over. It's hard enough to have to hear that let alone see him on the video monitor, poised in a crawl, facing the door, hopefully waiting for Mama to come walking through it. I am so glad I sleep trained before he knew my name. I'm not sure what to blame for the recent nap upheavals. We have no problems at night, his inability to settle seems to only pose an issue during the day. My hunch is still that it has to do with him being on the cusp of crawling. He just can't seem to stay still. He just has an unrestrainable need to be upright and sleep is the enemy right now.

As we approach Greyson's 1st birthday I've been putting more thought into what my next steps are for weaning. We are down to just nursing in the morning and bedtime, and Grey takes formula like a champ during the day. However, I feel ready to eliminate another feed and take more aggressive steps to completely weaning him from the breast. I know that doing so brings me freedom in many ways; I can wear dresses again, I can let Roque be the one to get him in the mornings, I can be out of the house during bedtime, I can stop worrying about my incessant milk supply. Yet, just knowing that we can never go back, makes me so very sad. I have enjoyed nursing more than I ever thought I would. For someone who was so gristly about sharing her body during pregnancy, you'd think I would have jumped at reclaiming autonomy months ago. It's been a precious, intimate time with my baby, who is growing up so quickly it takes my breath away. I am so very thankful I am able to make it to a year.