The Preschool Rollercoaster

It's been an arduous few weeks. A lot of waiting, a lot of me freaking out, a lot of sleepless nights. With profound sadness, and for a number of reasons, we have transferred Greyson to a new preschool this fall. We've been on the wait list for a morning slot, and after much praying and waiting and wondering...we finally have a preschool schedule. Greyson goes to school on Tue and Thurs in the mornings, and on Wed and Fri in the afternoons. It's not what we wanted, but it's better than what we got, so we're thankful. I feel like I've been on a roller coaster ride. There's the aspect of how it affects my life, how much time "off" I get, and how we organize our nanny around school. But there is also the issue of how it impacts him, the adjustment to a new environment and teachers, and having to make friends all over again. Just the anticipation of that is heartbreaking for me. I have to develop a skin. This is just preschool. At the rate I'm going, I'll have to be sedated during his college applications.

The last four days have been a festival of whining, disobedience, hyperactivity and annoyance in our house. By August I was done with summer, I couldn't wait for school to start and for Greyson to be out of the house again. It's confounding to me how you can love something so much, and yet yearn for it's absence. Yet, when I sent him to school today, I found myself wishing I could stay with him. I tapped my fingers for three hours at home until I could rush to school to pick him up and find out how his day went. They don't tell you when you become a mother that your very person splits into two and never the twain shall meet.