School Hell

It has been and continues to be a really rough week. It started last Saturday when we received our assignment letter from the San Francisco School District. It informed us that not only did we not get one of our ten school choices, we have been assigned to one of the worst schools in San Francisco. That is not a hyperbolic statement. John Muir Elementary is among the 188 schools considered among the bottom 5 percent in the state. Located across town from our house in the Western Addition, it is one of the lowest-performing, lowest-achieving schools in the city. When I envisioned my wide-eyed kindergartener skipping into the distance on his first day of school, the picture in my head did not include the bums and roughnecks loitering outside his school. It is not an option we are even considering.

The disappointment was overwhelming. All the months of touring, researching, and evaluating have led us nowhere. We now have to go through another two rounds of this preposterous lottery and hope we somehow land a better school. This process will continue on till May, and possibly extend into the first couple weeks of school. We can't give up, we have to fight this till we get something.

Yesterday I spent three hours at the San Francisco Unified School District Office. I had to wait line to get a number, and then wait two hours for my number to be called so I could see a counselor. The waiting room was filled with irate parents, and the tension was palpable. Hell hath no fury like disappointed mothers. Threaten our comfort, and we will push back. Threaten our children's futures, and all claws are out. If someone had come out of that office holding up a good school in his hand, I swear we would have ripped each other to shreds to get it. When I finally met with a counselor, she plainly told me it was what it was and there was nothing I could do to change my situation. Someone please tell me what to do with this anger.

I am having a really hard time swallowing this pill. I am one of 34% of families in San Francisco that didn't receive any of their choices. I cannot help but shake my fist and wonder why I couldn't have been on the other side of the equation. In our preschool alone, there are four families who received our first choice, and don't even want it. It isn't fair, and yes, I know that life is not fair, but I couldn't help but hope that I could protect my children from that reality. I find myself yet again being tested. I come back to a truth I learned years ago, "You have to decide what you believe about God." He is either all He says He is, or none at all. I hate that I'm learning the surrender lesson again. I hate that I'm forced to hone patience again. But I do believe, and this is hard to say right now, that God will work this out for our good. I'm just wondering if that includes me liking the outcome.
















The only good thing that came out of my wasted day at the District was this drawing of Ella. Only after I took this picture did I realize the cursed SFUSD logo was in the background. This picture is a poignant reminder of what, or who, I'm fighting for. This is for both my kids.