Decisions

I'm reading a fascinating book called "Our Babies, Ourselves." It is the anthropologist's perspective of parenting and talks about the different ways people raise babies all around the world. I learned that the average age of weaning in the world is 4 years old. In some cultures, babies are carried by their mothers 98% of the time, and nurse every 13 minutes on average. Babies in these civilizations seldom, if ever, cry. I learned that the U.S. is also the only society in which babies are routinely placed in their own bed and in their own rooms. In most parts of the world, children sleep with their parents until they are weaned.

It made me rethink a lot of the decisions I have made with Greyson. From the day Greyson came home with us, he's slept in his own room, and in his own crib. We have always fed him every three hours, and, because we have a supersized child, we have never been ones to carry him around and have him sleep in a sling. Reading this book has caused me to wonder if in some way I have loosened the bond between my son and I because of the "non-attachment" parenting style I subscribe to. It certainly doesn't feel like it, if anything, I am constantly surprised how bonded I am to him. Today he fell backward whilst sitting upright and the "thud" of his head hitting the ground was loud enough to shatter my heart to a million pieces. Still, is Greyson less bonded to me than he naturally would be if I had taken a different approach?

As a new mom, you always wonder if you are doing right by your child. My mom always says she raised us "by the grace of God," and I understand that now. It is because so many times as a parent, you're just going blind. You can read, ask, discuss and apply the "head" knowledge you learn, but ultimately, you have have to learn by doing, and there's always a possibility that your child might suffer for it. It's terrifying. It has made me wonder how people raise their children without God. I have found my dependence on the Lord has only increased since I've become a mother. Each choice I make for my child is a step of faith, taken with trust that God is bigger than my mistakes. The idea that Greyson's well being could be solely dependent on the decisions I make is too great a burden to bear. I am thankful that "by the grace of God", I can rely on a power higher than I.