Innocence

Yesterday Greyson and I went to Toys R Us. He was having fun riding a stationery bike/video game while I browsed nearby. I kept my eye on him, but whenever I wandered too far, he got anxious which is typical, but this time, he said, "Ma, see Grey Grey! Somebody might take you (me)."

Ever since that time we lost Greyson, I've been more aggressive about teaching him the very real dangers of wandering away from me. I tell him, "When we're out, I have to see you at all times because someone bad might come and take you away, and then Mama will never see Grey Grey again. I will be so sad." He has never shown any sign that any of that really sank in, until yesterday. Then when we got home, while I was kissing him goodnight before his nap, he said to me, "Mama close the door and Grey sleep, and somebody open the door, and take you (me) away." I felt a sudden dull ache inside. I leaned in very close and explained to him in a firm voice that that Mama would never ever let that happen because Mama was right outside, and that when he's home he's safe. I promised him that I would never let anything bad happen to him.

I started tearing up as soon as I closed the door behind me. Who taught my little boy how to fear? Was it me, and was I wrong to? I don't think so, but at the same time, I feel like I was an accomplice in stealing a part of his innocence. In the blink of an eye, my oblivious toddler became knowing....and I grieve.